Starting over is scary. I know this for a fact because I’ve been there. Aside from taking a break to raise my kids, I worked as an R.N. for most of my life. When my father came to live with me, it quickly became apparent that he had advanced dementia so I opted to leave my career to stay at home with him. I was able to do that at the time because I had alimony income.
After my father passed, and I gave up my alimony (don’t even ask), things didn’t go so well. It was also the middle of the housing crash. Faced with losing my home, I had to figure out a way to make a living again. I didn’t feel competent enough to go back to nursing – I had been out of it too long and the profession had changed so much, so I basically had to start over.
Whether it is a new career, a recovery from a broken marriage, a new romance, or building everything from the ground up again – starting over is scary. It isn’t impossible, however. No matter how things are going, you can embrace starting over with these tips.
1. Trust Your Instincts
If you start feeling like it is time to start over in some way – then give those feelings some serious thought. We all have moments like this, but if your moments are always on your mind, then you might need to honor those feelings.
2. Take Some Time
No matter the context, starting over, is rarely done quickly or without regret. Honor those feelings. Taking some time to mourn your loss before you start thinking about your future will help you get ready to start over. There’s a book on Amazon that I’d highly recommend called “You’re Not going Crazy. You’re Just Waking Up” by Michael Mirdad. It’s short and easy to read – perfect for stressful times.
3. Believe it is Possible
People often have to start over during dark times. You might have lost your job, loved one, your romantic partner or even your home. You might worry that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You are wrong. You CAN start over, and you will be stronger than before once you do.
Affirmations are great for this. Create some positive affirmations such as “Things are getting better every day” or “I CAN do this” and stick them on your mirror or carry them with you in your wallet. Don’t forgot to read them aloud to yourself every day.
Another thing that helped me immensely was to start a daily gratitude practice and I have continured it until this day. At the time, I thought it was pointless. I thought there was NOTHING to be grateful for, but I found the more I looked for things, the more I found – the way the aspen leaves shook and shimmered in the breeze, my pups on my lap while we watched T.V., the success of my grown children. There’s really a lot when you stop to think about it.
4. Forgive Your Past
It’s weird but sometimes it’s easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. If you are starting over because of a mistake or a perceived failure of yours, please try to forgive yourself. I know it’s really difficult and that feeling will want to reel its ugly head every so often, but how can you possibly start a new journey, if you have self-loathing hanging over your head? The past is the past; forgive yourself and forge a new path forward.
5. …But Don’t Forget it
Forgiving yourself is one thing, but you don’t want to forget your entire past. No matter what, the failures (usually more so than the successes) of the past have given you valuable lessons. Analyze what worked for you in the past, and double down on that in the future. Figure out what didn’t work, and try to avoid those things on your new journey. Of course, some of them are much bigger than just something that didn’t work. But you can still analyze those situations and learn how you got there, so as not to do it again.
6. What Do You Want?
Starting over can be scary, but there is also some excitement. What do you want for the “new you”? Is there anything you have always wanted to do, try, or even be? Starting over is your chance at making things right, so honor your personal preferences. Write a list of those things that you want in your life, both personally and professionally.
7. Reach Out
When you have to start over, it can be pretty overwhelming. Take some time to reach out to your closest family and friends. They can be the rock that you cling to while the waves of life batter you.聽 You will be surprised how readily people will be willing to help. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, consider finding a counselor to chat with. They can be an excellent resource and are often covered by insurance if money is an issue.
8. Create a Plan
People who are starting over often feel rudderless and lost. One way to ease those feelings is to start thinking of your future. Don’t just think though – make plans. Set some goals. Focus on the short-term and the long-term. Merely thinking about this “plan of action” will help ease your worries about the unknown.
9. Embrace The Future
We don’t get a lot of chances at fresh starts, so when you get one – embrace it. I know a lot of agony and heartbreak can lead to starting over, but this is a time where all of your options are open. Take the time you need to mourn your past life, but don’t feel ashamed at all if you feel more than a little excited about what’s to come. Sometimes a fresh start becomes a whole new wonderful life. As this current pandemic begins to draw to a close, I’m hearing lots of stories from people who were forced to change things up (creating their own business, downsizing, relocating) and are already living a happier life than they had in the past.
ACTIONABLE STEPS
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Think about all the areas of your life. Are there any that could use a total reboot? Are you suffering from a bad relationship? Is your career crushing your soul? Do you just want to be somewhere else? Anywhere else? These are some areas to consider: Personal growth and development, spirituality, finances, career/business, romance, fun, giving back, health/fitness, environment (home, office, nature) and relationships. |
Once you have thought about it, single out a specific area that you think needs change the most. Write down that area of life. |
Now, take some time to figure out a single step you can take. Do you need to talk with your partner? Do you need to start looking for new jobs and begin your own business?聽 Whatever it may be, think about a small step that you could take today that might change your life forever. Now, do it! |
FURTHER READING – Some books I’d recommend (Most can also be found on Audible.)
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- Starting Over: Your Life Beyond Regrets
- Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life
- Starting Over, Starting Late or Both
- O’s Little Guide to Starting Over
- Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again聽
- Women Who Spark After 50聽
LEARN TO LOVE YOUR LIFE AGAIN
Do you feel like you need to hit the REFRESH button on your life? Download our free guide and begin to create your best life yet!
Shelley,
I know so many women who have had to start over after 50.
this is a true test of character and faith in oneself!
Great tips!
Thank you, Robin! Yes, it can be difficult but it can also build character. 馃檪
Love #3. Sometimes just believing that it’s possible makes a huge difference.
Kim
Yes, Kim! That’s huge! The first step is believing!
im lisa im 54 im having a tough time living ive lived the most wonderful life except i was used on my jorney trying to understand why me ? im just a girl that had tons of faith i believed and had true fairytale experiences of true love atleast i thought so im still in love to ive been thinking of never waking up in im ok with that as this past three years i have died as God awakened me too im ok with the three lifetimes of happiness ive incombered .except nothing lasted its so boring and im a hermit i love only jesus i met him tto the fold except hes not here in the flesh .as id probably have a heart attack if he was .really im in touch with my heaven on earth .no earthly good .i have one wish is to see and speak to the one love i had except jesus again .i left at him the hearts felt was to strong .jesus through bible colledge replaced it .as i prayed through bible colledge that id see him again as God granted me this 25 years ago .the love was overwhelming due to his riches power the pain was so real i left him i fell away from my true love thats humanly impossible to leave once you feel jesus christ i fell in love behind human repair i was no eatrthly good n.bak slidden doesnt matter im just numb .nothing is greater than one true spiritual love of all jesus my prince that rescued me lisa westman from the pain of my only earthly love john paul dejoria .im over my age and im stuck on this planet hes still alive .im torn without faith .i left him .the chemistry s was way to deep .as my jesus whom i cant see nor feel .
I’m so sorry that you are going through all this, Lisa.
Do you have someone you can talk to about your feelings? Maybe someone at your church? It’s a lot to sort through and having a person to help you sort through your feelings might be beneficial. You are still young and you can still have a great second half of your life if you take some time to work on it.
Omg I am 58 and took a 4 year break from nursing. I want to do something new but feel stuck. I feel incompetent to go back into nursing although I still have my license just in case. What did you do after nursing being you felt incompetent to go back into it. I want to do something I enjoy while paying down debt I am a slave to. But just can鈥檛 seem to find my idea place maybe just out of fear to start something new honestly I feel a little incompetent period. I think my last job in nursing gave me some ptsd, I get anxiety just thinking about nursing again.
This article was beautifully presented and filled with much wisdom and guidance! I’m 51 and the past 12 years have been absolute hell while losing almost everything in ALL areas of life and spending all this time living in survival mode. So much has occurred that when I told someone just a fraction of what happened, I was accused of lying and was was told “no one could survive all that”. As horrific as that moment was at the time, I do know the unspoken and hidden message there was that *I* DID survive all that (and much, much more that he did not know)… which means I am tough and resilient with a soul that will not give up nor give in! It has taken over a decade to get to where I am now, and I finally was able to start working with a counselor 3 months ago. Life changing as it was affirmed out the gate that on top of it all, I am a high-functioning Autistic, which explained my trusting and honest nature which was used against me. There are 2 things I will remember as I redesign my new life: 1.) I will NEVER cave in and I will make a beautiful life for myself as I will not allow the prior darkness to win, and 2.) a quote from President Roosevelt which says “comparison is the thief of joy”. Exactly! Your article touched my heart and I have saved it to help recenter and guide me. THANK YOU for helping myself and others with your encouraging and wonderful article! As it was apparently written around 2021, and it is now 2024, I hope YOUR new life is flourishing and that the pain of your own past is now just a mere flicker of a distant memory due to the radiance of the new life you have created! I send you much love, light, prayers, and gratitude! 馃挏 – Gina
Awww, thank you, Gina. That makes my heart happy! I’m also so happy for you that your life is moving ahead in a positive direction! I can tell that you’ve been working hard on self-discovery and self-love. Keep up the great work!
Hi Denise,
Thank you for writing! I get the anxiety – it’s just not the same as it used to be!
I actually tried a couple of things in order to create a new career. At first, I made gift baskets and sold them. But while I was doing that and writing on my blog, I discovered that I loved the social media marketing that I was doing for those endeavors. Because I was having some success with my own social media, people began asking me todo theirs for them. In the interim, I’ve also been taking some life coaching classes and certification and am hoping to start a group mentoring program for women over 50. With your background as a nurse, you could probably find something that you could do online and from the comfort of your own home.
I want to marry again. I live in South Africa and am turning 55. I cannot find one man anywhere. All the good ones are taken and the majority of people here are now black and unrelatable. I actually cant even find single friends.
I have tried to create employment for six yrs. All I tried has failed. I also applied for every job I could find – nobody wants me.
I am terrified. I live alone. The loneliness is insane. I don’t know how to cope.. the minutes drag forever and no friends I had understand. The world is moving on and looks so busy and productive. I am just stuck.
Hi Sally,
I’m so sorry! I know a lot of us our age think that all the good men are taken. But I’ve seen quite a few of those who said that still find a great match. Don’t give up! In the meantime, have you thought of doing any volunteering in your community? I don’t just mean at hospitals; there are lots of ways to get involved. Or perhaps take a class at a community college (do they have those there?). Sometimes you meet great people when volunteering or taking a class. It may b hard, but try to put yourself out there. Staying home and alone is not good. XoXo Shelley
Hi I鈥檓 57 living in UK and my husband of over 25 years has told me he hasn鈥檛 been in love with me for years.
He said it鈥檚 due to my depression during the menopause (I wasn鈥檛 able to take HRT so have had to live (suffer) through it for the last 10 years.). We鈥檝e now separated and I鈥檓 heartbroken.
I can鈥檛 make him be in love with me. Now I鈥檓 faced to face a life alone and starting over. My confidence is at an all time low.
I gave up work to raise our 2 children (son 20yrs and daughter 14yrs). I鈥檝e dedicated my life to being a mum and wife.
I no longer know who I am, what I like, what I want or even what my dreams could be.
I鈥檓 totally heartbroken and lost.
How can I start to find myself again?
I’m so sorry that you are going through all this. I think many of us find ourselves in this position sometime in midlife for one reason or another. And yes, those stupid hormones are a big problem!
To start to find yourself again, the first thing you need to do is believe that you can… and that might be the hardest part! Did you download our free guide “Starting Over After 50”? It will help walk you through a few things that will help you begin the process of finding yourself again and begin to create a better life for yourself. If you didn’t download it, you can find it here: https://meaningfulmidlife.com/starting-over-after-50
Best wishes! You can do this!
XoXo
Is there a way of replying to a specific person?
Hi Lee,
Yes, send an email to me at Shelley@meaningfulmidlife.com. I’ll be looking out for it.
Shelley