In honor of National Caregiver’s Month, I too, wanted to sponsor a contest.
There will be 3 chances to win. The Grand Prize will be this lovely gift basket courtesy of Lambs and Ivy Gift Baskets containing pampering items for the care giver, such as Karen Neuburger body lotion, chai tea, Godiva chocolate, notecards, an iTunes gift card AND my Caregiver’s Companion Medical Organizer ( a total value of $100.00).
2nd and 3rd prizes will be $25.00 iTunes gift cards.
In order to enter, please leave a small (or large) story about WHY you are a care giver. What compelled you to take on this challenge ? Why are you giving up a major part of your life when you could easily (or not so easily) hand the job over to someone else? What is your inspiration for getting through the day and navigating through all the care giving tasks and trials? Why do you not just throw up your hands and say “I’m DONE!”
On the other hand, what joys do you receive from this role? If you are a current OR former caregiver, what is it that you are most proud of accomplishing? Would you do it again?
I hope to hear from many of you because I know that you have wonderful stories to tell.
(Enter by November 20th in order to be entered into the drawing. Winners will be announced on Thanksgiving Day.)
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My care giving roles have run the gamut from young children to elders and even the in-between years when I tended to the care and feeding of my children’s education! Apparently, connecting with others is part of who I am. It’s what compels me to care for others, it’s what contributes to my mastery as a coach. I didn’t always know this. I often took on roles out of obligation rather than passion. Ick.
And when I did, it was easy to become overwhelmed and frustrated by the demands of caring for others. “A thankless job”, is a common mantra. I admit, I was feeding off the energy of martydom and victimhood for a while. Luckily, I value my independence and happiness, so I made the decision to do something or get that proverbial pot. And my life has never been better!
As I got older, the patterns of communication I had reminded me of a law of physics: An irresistible force meeting an immovable object. The relationships with the people in my care seriously needed a course correction!
I’d been giving a lot of thought to the idea of creative deconstruction. I decided to ask myself some bottom line questions about the way I was approaching life.
What’s not working and what have I not previously considered?
Do I engage in the same types of conversation time and again?
Why would I expect the outcome to be different?
Did I think the other person “needed to change”?
What needed to change within me so that I don’t have the need for someone else to change?
Self-awareness allowed me to see the patterns that were destructive and to also see what had been successful in order to build upon the things that were working. I recognized that if I could do this joyfully and lovingly, I had no business doing it at all.
Changing the laws of physics is not possible. Changing the equation, however, is.
To this day I take on caregiver roles, but not out of duty. Out of desire.
And I coach others who want more out of their care giving roles. Win-win-win-win.
Dear Shelly –
I have so much to say. I took care of both of my parents for my entire 30’s. Babes in tow and with a mother who was a multiple stroke victim/survivor and a father with diabetes and every complication known to mankind (so it seemed), I had my hands full. I had a new infant daughter and a 2-1/2 year old daughter that came everywhere with me for the entire 11-1/2 years I took care of my parents until they passed away. At first, we maintained them in their home by me going and taking complete care of everything — everyday. A couple years went by and I hired a caregiver to come and help with the house chores so that I could visit with my parents instead of not having any quality of time with my parents. Then, when my mother passed away, I got a live-in caregiver for my father because of his diabetes, he was legally blind and needed help with cooking and things. Three years after that, he needed a little more care, so Assisted living came next — all this time, though, I was there every day because I saw what happened when I wasn’t there every day. Things were stolen, my father’s demeanor changed when I wasn’t there – like I gave up on him or something. It was easier just to show up and spend a little bit of time each day and so I did — for 11-1/2 years — I was there – every day. There were days that were easier than others and there were days when I didn’t know which end was up. But, when I look back on everything and now that they are both gone, I wouldn’t change a thing. I would do it the same way. Although there are days when I wish they were back here, there are also days when I know that I don’t think I could do it now. Although I know I would – somehow, someway I would find the strength to do it again!
I now just opened a non-medical home care agency and am just starting to get phone calls. I am a caregiver. And I am proud to say that I am. I know that the people in my care, are going to be taken care of by warm, compassionate, caring people and that none of the horror stories that happened to me and my parents over the years will ever happen to the people in my care. I have 27 years of medical background and will continue to help those who cannot help themselves — live in the comfort and warmth of their own homes for as long as humanly possible without putting them at risk. I know, this is where they want and should be cared for!
I am a caregiver and I am proud to say that I am. Thank you for everything that you did for your dad — I felt your agony and pain and love for your father. It brought back many memories for me and I send you my sympathies. I know exactly how you felt when you thought you were missing something. It took me a long time to not feel that way. From doctors appointments to just doing laundry and grocery shopping and visiting and … just life … it will get easier, but it will take time. God Bless you for ALL that you do. Do something “special” this holiday season to memorialize your father – a tradition he liked or listen to music he liked – it will make this holiday season much more easier to get through and make it more memorable, too.
Sincerely,
Traci Adamczyk
Peace of Mind Home Care
43701 St. Julian Ct.
Sterling Heights, MI
586-292-3806
I stepped into the role of family caregiver because it just seemed like the natural thing to do. I understood that my parents had taken care of me as I was growing up and also at several times in my adult life after I broke my ankle and could not get around well for 3 months. I knew in our family that my brother, while he loved my parents, he just would not be a good caregiver and he understood this about himself. He had told me that he would help out financially but he could not do the day to day activities.
As adults, both my brother and I, lived more than a day’s drive from our parents’ home so we talked with them at least weekly but could not visit as often as we would have liked. There can a period of time when my brother just could not visit. He was a very private person and little did either my parents or I know that he had several significant health problems.
My parents used to live in snow belt area of western NY state and had gotten in the habit of coming and spending the holidays with me. As they began to find it more difficult to function in the cold, snowy area, they started extending the two weeks at the holidays to two-three months at my house. By this time, my dad had been diagnosed with Parkinsons disease and some macular degeneration. My mom had several visits to the hospital for breathing problems and racing heart beat.
The beginning of the roles taking a major shift was when we got word almost five years ago that my brother had passed away suddenly. My parents were at my house when we received the news. My brother had done no planning, had no will, and as I said he was very private about many thing so we did not know how to start taking care of the many things that had to be handled to take care of his estate. My parents decided that they could not handle this responsibility and so I was the remaining family member to step in and handle taking care of all of the details of my brothers estate.
Shortly after this, my mother caught the flu and ended up in the hospital. While there, they told her that she had COPD and congestive heart failure. She left the hospital on oxygen and has been on this for 24hours a day ever since then.
It was at this point that my parents and I decided that they should move closer. We considered several options. Dad wanted to go into assisted living and mom wanted no part of that so we settled on a ranch home that is about 5 minutes from my home.
About a year later mom fell down and went to the hospital for staples to close the gash on her head. They treated her and released her. Several days later, she just did not seem right and her doctor told me to take her to the hospital. They admitted her and discovered that she had a brain anyourism which they monitored closely. They recommended that she do rehab for several weeks because while she had not had a stroke, the blood clot had caused some difficulties. She was not happy to spend three more weeks in the hospital but she did return to her prior level of health.
As we fast forward (I don’t want this to go on forever), I am the primary caregiver for both mom and dad. Neither of them drive any longer. I take them to doctor’s appointments. I do all the grocery shopping and drug store runs. I often prepare meals for them because they have gotten to that stage when they no longer want to cook. I also try to spend time with them and have a very close relationship with my mom. She is very grateful and appreciate of all I do for them and I love spending time with her when I can.
I developed the idea to do a teleseminar series for National Caregivers Month and asked fellow coach, Suzanne Holman to join me in producing and co-hosting the series. It was a huge undertaking yet very rewarding to be able to provide such needed information and support to other caregivers.
There are days when it feels like a lot to manage as I care for mom and dad, and continue to develop my business, as well as managing to practice self-care. I know that with all my responsibilities that I had to make sure to make the time to connect with friends and my support system because it could become easy to fall into that self-isolation trap that many caregivers experience. I know that I need to have a life both professionally and thru my support network that extends beyond my caregiving role to bring some balance and so I do not look back with regrets or feel like I put my life on hold during these years.
I consider it a real gift to still have my mother in my life when most medical professionals did not think she would survive this long and I intend to cherish this time.