Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine recently released of a study involving 58 caregivers of stroke survivors and 15 types of common problems that caregivers face.
Not surprisingly, the study showed that while there were many other stressors involved, the largest amount of stress came from the lack of understanding and the lack of help from family and friends.
“Often families aren’t really understanding, or families might blame a caregiver for not doing more than they’re doing,” said lead investigator, Rosemary King.
In my experience, family members are also often mistrusting of a caregiver’s motivation for taking on the role of caregiver for a family member. They may wonder if it is being done in order to “use up a parent’s money”, ensure a good inheritance, have their house remodeled using the care recipient’s money, etc.
Additionaly, their can be blame by the family if they feel that a caregiver is not doing enough. For instance, if Mom falls, they may ask “where you YOU when this happened? You should have been right beside her!”
Family and friends can also be quick to label the caregiver a martyr. They may say things such as “I don’t know why you just don’t put him in a nursing home. Surely he’ll be better off there.”
Also, not surprising was the fact that the study found that actual patient-related problems were the least of the caregivers’ worries.
What do YOU find most stressful in your caregiving role? Do you agree with this study’s results? I’d love to know.
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A survey of over 1100 family caregivers by Caring.com in August 2010 found similar results. For instance, 49% of caregivers said that their role caring for an Alzheimer’s patient was their single biggest source of stress, well ahead of the economy and their own health!
Family relationships and finances were also impacted:
>42% said they and their loved ones had been driven apart by the experience
>39% had to quit their job, retire early, reduce hours, or take a leave of absence
>41% spent $5K or more in caregiving expenses within last year
>40% were extremely or very concerned about impact of these costs on their savings
More info about the survey (and how Caring.com is helping to address caregivers’ stress) is here: http://www.caring.com/about/news-room/caring-com-launches-first-customizable-alzheimers-resource-for-family-caregivers.html
You can say that again. will look up the full study. Did you know that these deadbeats have the RIGHT to contact their parents (help their parents) as much as they WANT…especially if they help as LITTLE as they want.
This is a bigger issue of IMPUNITY which is bestowed or claimed by all…sticking everything with the caregiver.
Now on a crusade to stop official moniker describing family caregivers as “Informal Support.” Please look over studies and documents and reports and Theses to find mention of this. Sticking us with this description means that we we NEVER be paid for our sacrifices…because the definition of Informal Support is that they do not get paid. The neighbor mowing the lawn is informal support, not frontline caregiving.
I have learned ALL of the statements in the article hold true! When others start running their critical mouths, I ask them to volunteer to be here just as I have… and if they think they can do any better… more power to them! Ironically, NO ONE else is ever here. (Until onlookers walk in the care giver’s shoes, they should not judge.) As for the kudos, I am only doing what I pray someone else would do for me should I ever need them.)
A cousin is worn out from being the sole caregiver for her mother. She can afford to pay someone to come in once a week, but won’t do that. We worry about her, as she has always been a martyr. She will won’t accept help. We feel helpless, and hope she starts taking care of herself.
Some caregivers feel less than adequate if they accept help. Some other ways you might be of service is to bring casseroles, baked goods or other pre-made food. Don’t offer; just do.
If money is the reason she’s not accepting the weekly help, some Area Agencies on Aging have a program where they provide respite care without cost for several hours each week.
We hope that your cousin will begin to care for herself too.