Dear Friends
I am sorry I have been absent for some weeks – I am sorry I have not been as prolific as usual. Life happens, things get in the way….well….hmmm….. I do hope somebody missed me .
A day or so ago, I wrote on Face Book that I was feeling sad. Just that. One statement. “I feel sad”….3 little words … and I received so many lovely and supportive words from friends and colleagues saying that “this too shall pass” and that I was such a comfort and a wonderful caregiver and daughter to my parents….So my statement of sadness was interpreted as mourning the loss of my parents and my brother – those who have died and moved on leaving me here, alone, feeling sad.
Well, the fact is that I just felt plain old sad. Not because I am approaching the anniversary of my mom’s passing, which is the most recent and still the most raw, in a sense, but it was just a bad old day and I woke up and could not start the day with all kinds of happy and encouraging words on this new wonderful and invasive thing called social media. In the old days (dare I date myself) you had two choices – to answer the phone or not – and to answer the doorbell or not. Nowadays we are almost stripped naked on a daily basis when we partake in social media – whether it be Face Book, Twitter, MySpace –or things I do not even know about yet – phones and apps – soon I think people will know where you are and what you are doing just from your phone – because it will be like a GPS. I would like to go to the Ladies Room in private, thank you.….
So, my word to caregivers is – It is OK to just feel bad or sad sometimes. Just decide if you want to put it out there for everyone to see, or read. Some days, or feelings, are best left private, when we stay in our pajamas, make sure whomever we are caring for are well attended to and can stay in their ‘jammies too if they want, just make sure all medications are taken and food is provided and eaten. Maybe this is the day to watch a great old movie together, laugh or cry together, eat cereal for dinner if you want, tuck your loved one in and call it a day. For tomorrow blooms fresh and you will awake and say – I am ready to take on the world and you know what? I even think I heard the birds tweeting – so maybe that damn groundhog was right and spring is on its way and I feel a spring coming back into my step. And all the power to you, because every day is an adventure and a challenge and you are blessed for taking it on every day…. ……”
Maryellen
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Thank you for sharing. Can very much relate to this. It is a world where we are expected to be happy, active & ready to handle anything. Caregivers are human too! We are allowed to be sad, tired or just take a day to one’s self for NO specific reason. XXX
Thank you for “permission” to stay in my jammies! I needed that..after being up every hour, on the hour, it seems like a good idea. Maybe we’ll just go sit outside in the sunshine and give up (just for today) the “routine”. We’ll get back on that horse tomorrow!
I know how important it is that we take a break from that “routine”. I remember that I wanted mom to take her meds at a certain time – or eat all the veggies on her plate. I was more like a machine than a human! So I had to take a step back, breath and realize that yes, the meds are important, but who cares if mom eats her veggies – she is 90! So I needed to become more her daughter and friend and caregiver and less the “routine machine”. So DO take a day off from the routine. DO stay in your jammies. DO just have a day of relaxation. You NEED AND DESERVE IT!
We all have bad days, but when you are caring for 3 – a husband, and both parents there is no such thing as a day off. I want to know how I can write a book about my experiences. I cared for both my husbands parents till they passed. I care for mine and my husband, my love doesn’t even recognize me some days. I think I have alot to add and have read everything MaryEllen. Most talk about nursing homes and stuff, but not evrybody knows what is is like to do for your own. Please tell us who know how to do what you do – our voices should be heard LOUD and CLEAR.
A dear lady, dare I say angel recommended me to your webpages from agingcare. Thanks to her as I think she must read everything and know more.
yours,
Mitzi
Hi Mitzi,
Thank you for visiting us here and for your lovely comment. You are doing a LOT of caregiving!
Would you really like to write a book? I think that we all have a book in us somewhere and it needs to be shared. Is that not how the Bible began?
To start writing a book……just begin. You don’t have to begin at the first chapter of the book. Start writing about whatever subject hits you at the moment – it may be the beginning, middle or even the final chapters.
Another way to begin is by writing blog posts. As you accumulate them, you can begin to compose them into chapters of a book.
Of course, if you’d like to write for us here, we would be glad to have you. 🙂
~ Shelley
Mitzi,
Both Shelley and I are with you! I know what you are talking about when you say that there never is a day off. Sometimes days just run into each other. I am so glad Shelley gave you the most sage advice about writing……just start. Maybe start by keeping a journal. When you write a journal you can go back and read your own words, before anyone else does, and see if you really need a place to vent (which can be very important – moving and amusing!)or if your writing is informational,either of which you can then compile and share. Mitzi, writing about your feelings one way or the other is important. And if you need a safe place and you want to share your writings, you can send them to me at ArtsCareUS@gmail.com. Or to Shelley. And Mitzi, ASK YOUR QUESTIONS! Ask me and I will be happy to answer your question AND refer you to the experts in the field. And Mitzi, you are not alone. Hang in there. I have a question for you – when was the last time YOU went to the doctor for your own needs. Please take care of yourself too. Maryellen
Thank you everyone for your comments. It’s helps me feel better. I love my Mom, look forward to visiting her at the nursing, but leave feeling sad. She will call me after I get home and say she is sorry as she had got upset about nothing when I was there.
I googled “Sad….just plain sad” and I was brought to you. I guess we all have our moments…no matter what the source. It is comforting knowing that there are even strangers who understand and give us confidence to tackle each new day….. thank you
Hi Laine,
I’m glad you found some comfort in our story. Thank you for visiting and leaving a comment. We’re all on different journeys but bound by similar emotions and struggles. Be well.
Shelley