I have found that we often enter the caregiving era of our lives without much preparation. It usually involves an accident or a sudden realization that our parent is not doing as well as we thought they were – the house is a mess; there are stacks of unpaid bills; there is no nutritious food in the house and most of what there is, is expired. But some parts of caregiving can be planned ahead of time. Use this checklist of questions to help you (and them) to prepare for a time when they depend upon you more. PS – You also might consider answering these questions for yourself as well.
Their Living Situation
- Do you want to live in your own home for as long as possible? Are there things we need to do to your house so it’s safe and comfortable as you age? Can we make any of those changes right now?
- Are you willing to move into a smaller place that is more manageable, such as a one-story condo or a senior community? Would you want to move in with us or one of our siblings? If we all agree that you need help with your personal care or aren;t safe living at home alone any more, would you be willing to move into assisted living or into the home of one of us? At what point would you be willing to do that?
- Have either of you thought about whether you would want to stay in your current home if you were alone? If one of you needs to go to assisted living, would the other also move there?
- Would you be willing to hire someone to help you at home if you can’t do things on your own anymore?
- Can I help you visit quality assisted-living facilities and/or nursing homes now, so that we know what’s available and what you would prefer in case you would need one in the future?
- Would you be willing to have a geriatric care manager evaluate your living situation and make recommendations on things that might be needed or changes that might need to be made, such as adding grab bars in the shower and bathroom?
Their Health
- Have you talked to your doctor about the normal aging process? Do you have a geriatric specialist?
- Is your health insurance adequate for potential future needs? Do you need help reviewing options?
- Have you double-checked that all legal documents and important contacts are up-to-date and accessible?
- Would you be comfortable with us having access to discuss your medical care with your doctor?
- May one of us accompany you to some doctor’s appointments? We recognize your right to privacy but maybe we can help keep track of everything your doctor says at your visit.
- Do you have a living will or an advance directive to ensure that your wishes are followed regarding your medical care if you’re not able to communicate your wishes yourself? Where do you keep those documents? Can we talk about those wishes?
- How do you feel about being kept alive with ventilators, feeding tubes, dialysis or other interventions? Under what circumstances would you want that? Do we all understand what these terms mean?
- Do you have a list of emergency contacts easily accessible?
- Is there a contingency plan in place for sudden health emergencies?
Their finances
- Have you written a will or trust? Does someone you trust know where it is or how to find it? Whom should we contact about it when the time comes?
- Have you consulted a reliable financial planner who can help anticipate your needs as you age?
- Are you willing to have a joint checking account with me or one of my siblings so we can help you pay bills if necessary?
- Can we discuss how we can help you handle some of your financial responsibilities, like reviewing credit card statements and paying some bills? Can we put anything on auto-pay?
- Do you have a list of your current subscriptions, such as Cable TV, apps, pet food delivery, Amazon Prime, etc.
- Will you give me or another trusted person your power of attorney over your financial and/or medical care in case there’s a time when you can’t manage them for yourself?
Their Technology and Accessibility
- Do you feel comfortable using technology to stay connected with family and friends, such as video calls or social media?
- Would you like help in setting up or learning how to use devices that can assist in daily life, like tablets, smartphones, or smart home systems?
- Do you have some sort of online protection against malware, etc.
Their Social and Community Engagement
- Are you interested in joining any local senior groups or clubs to stay socially active?
- How do you feel about participating in community programs to meet new people and maintain social connections?
Legacy and Remembrance
- What are your end-of-life wishes? What kind of celebration-of-life or ceremony would you like? Do you have any special songs or flowers that you’d like included?
- Is there anything you want mentioned at your ceremony?
- If you have a grave marker, what would you like it to say?
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