A friend of mine received the following letter from an 80 year old friend of hers. Because of its message, we thought it was important to share.We see them once in a while on birthdays or Easter or something like that but never aside from that.
If I lived in the same town as my grandparents I would not claim being busy as an excuse. You make some time when you want to. I would at least call or drop over to see them every couple of months. We did for our parents and grandparents. We never regret we did, we know we would regret it had we not have.
The are typical religious people. Big on talk, church going but not the best Christians in my mind. I know better Christians who never go near a church. Even if they weren’t the religious type, we always made time for our grandparents, it is the respectful, loving thing to do. No more we guess.
It makes us so very sad. Actions not words are what count.
They never stop by. We assume we are hopeless/worthless to them anyway.
This is why Olive and I do not want a church service or anything “if” we die. We don’t want people showing up after we are dead that would never take the time to visit while we are alive. I am sure our granddaughter and husband would be at the funeral if we had one. No thank you. That won’t be when we needed them, we need them now.”
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That is sadly and totally the voice of the aging community. Thank you for giving a voice and a “face” to the reality. And thank you for the call to make the change today. I take that challenge for my own children (even though they are youngsters) to value their grandparents today – including the grandparents that live far away. A card and call more than at Holidays would so bless them. Thank you.
Well said, Suzanne. Thankfully, we still have time to make changes.
I’m sorry you are not visited by your relatives. It is not often that the elderly say this themselves, but just suffer whatever thoughtless interactions relatives offer…or don’t offer.
I have this problem with my sisters visiting their mother, being interested in her at all, helping at all, and doing what you describe just on holidays “drive by social visits.” EVERY DAY is MOTHER’S DAY!! I tell them. Who really celebrates a HOLIDAY? They show up for Thanksgiving with no “thanks.”
If nothing else, this caregiving gig has given me antennae for the Real Deal people, and those who are thoughtless and shallow. That’s my big insult to my sisters. Shallow.
This smells of “patient dumping.” Dad or Mom can’t live on their own anymore. And, I don’t have the time to [don’t want to] take care of them. They need to go to Assisted Living or be put into a nursing home. Problem solved! S/he is being taken care of and I can go on living my life without guilt and without the hassles of caregiving!